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Posts Tagged ‘non-crisps’

A regular feature called The Apologist Explains. This is where I explain why something or someone is totally offensive to the laws of God and the Universe and must be punished, unless the perpetrator apologises IMMEDIATELY…

Look. I’m pretty angry, but I’ll keep this brief, ok?

Crisps are brilliant. What I want from a bag of crisps are as many deep-fried slices of potato as you can cram in a bag while still having room for a generous portion of salt. I do NOT want this wankery.

Cocking non-crisps

These aren’t a delicacy. These are not even crisps. They are the shavings of other, lesser vegetables – vegetables who cower in the face of that most mighty of tubers.

Just because they are different colours, and curl up into funny shapes, and don’t taste quite as nice, the Artisan apparently thinks they are better. Well, the Artisan is a total nonce.

AND the beetroot ones dye my fingers red.

But the artisan doesn’t leave it there. He wants to add insult to injury with his non-crisps, by lying to your face about them. See, if I buy a box of cereal, and it’s a big box, and it costs twice as much as the smaller box, I expect to see at least twice as much cereal in there when I open it.

Well, the Artisan doesn’t follow these laws of natural justice. Instead, when the Artisan sells you a big bag, for twice the price of normal crisps, what do you get?

Hardly any non-crisps in a massive bag

Hardly any sodding non-crisps in a big sodding bag. That’s what you get.

Shame on you, The Artisan. For crimes against decent hard working people trying to enjoy their lunch-hours, I hope you’re sorry.

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